Anytime you think YOU have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.
The following is a true story... Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent his sister. She sent it to
Laughline and won the contest for "The worse day at the office" (He wasn't thrilled with her for that one).
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother...
Last week I had a bad day at work. I know you have been
feeling down lately at work so I thought I would share my
dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I tell you, I first must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job. This time of year the water is
quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So to keep warm we have
this diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea, heats it, and
then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose that
is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and put it down the neck of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass
started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only
made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to
burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage
was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under your cast. I don't have any hair on my back so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass! I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface
wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were
tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to "Here, Shove it up your ass"!
The cream put the fire out all right, but I couldn't shit
for three days because my asshole was swollen shut!
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office,
think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be
if you were to accidentally shove a jellyfish up your ass!
I hope this makes your days more tolerable.