It's weird, at the same time i feel extremely bad because i'm lacking any greater spiritual connection in my life, such a connection begats such a heavy burden on me, i feel i must have varied means to unwind and simply entertain myself, and i've been so remarkably limited in means to simply relax, things just seem to be bottling up in me.

I've been greeted with plenty of good things lately, but they're starting to overwhelm me a little. I'm filled with ideas for acting out things in college, and during my internships, but they seem to clash heavily with the difficulties to get them done. Same thing for my role as a therapist, i was so anxious to start doing that, but now i'm juggling 4 cases and feeling burdened with the problems of others and feeling that i have less and less time to deal with my own.

I'm finally in a relationship, something i've wanted for so long, and the weight of giving myself wholy to it is clashing with my fear of getting hurt too deeply if i do, specially after so many long years longing for closeness to anyone, injecting so much of my own lifeforce into that ideal. I'm afraid to get too close and losing all the power i've concentrated on that if things don't work out.

For all this, i can tell the pills i've switched to don't seem to be working so well, i've been for too emo lately.

Sorry for this little emo rant guys, i just needed to get some things out, an hour of theraphy a week isn't cutting it anymore. :-)


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