"Mature" porn - If i wanted to see a saggy old whore i'd just cruise the downtown streets.
Old guys fucking teens - If i wanna pretend i'm the one boning the bitch, how can i do that when the guy has an old wrinkly dick and a massive gut?
Dubbed porn - Beavis Christ do i agree with you!
Censored porn - Fuck you Japan, if you can't show snatch in your country, at least export some decent shit without the mosaic cunts.
Close ups of stretched assholes and cunts - If i'm seeing anal, i'm just interested in the pumping, i don't want to see how stretched out her hole looks from a closeup.
Too many video effects - fuck dissolves, lens flares, sepia tones and such, if the video editor couldn't cut it in hollywood we shouldn't suffer because of his delusions of grandeur.
Softcore porn - Fuck you, my mother could make softcore you fucking pansies.
Lipstick lesbians - If i'm seeing two women get down, i don't want pecking and caressing, i want tonging, fingering, whatever, just FUCK EACHOTHER ALREADY!
The Master would not approve of this sig.