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Subjectthis is so 1998 [nt] Reply to this message
Posted byTerry Bogard
Posted on11/02/08 10:42 AM

> First, her letter.
> Second, his reply.
> Tom,
> It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
> like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
> truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
> in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
> would ever want to wrong in any way.
> There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
> try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
> stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
> it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
> what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
> It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
> if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
> beyond crushed.
> I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you
> didn't.
> I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
> is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
> stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
> weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
> that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
> hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
> because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
> what happened. I am so sorry.
> - Sarah
> Dear Sarah,
> Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
> 'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
> You did a stupid thing huh?
> No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
> thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
> Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
> wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
> that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
> permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if
> it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
> toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
> that by saying 'Well, I didn't Fuck him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
> So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
> yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
> retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
> unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
> hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
> you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
> mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
> average child porn collector.
> By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
> really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
> Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
> watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
> PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
> Talk to you never,
> Tom

Entire Thread
Subject  Posted byPosted On
*Best breakup letter, EVAR  itchyNADZ11/01/08 08:40 PM
..this is so 1998 [nt]  Terry Bogard11/02/08 10:42 AM