Google 'I want to die'. First result? "Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline."
Know what 273-8255 spells? Fuck it, let's go with the first answer on that one; it's all roffles and giggles and lolz. ape-talk is the goddamn answer. There ya fucking go, MOTHERFUCKING APE TALK.
What a crock of shit.