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Well, as far as speed/compatiblity for emulators, for WindowsXP based PC's I'd suggest:
SNES - ZSNES Genesis - Kega Fusion Gameboy/Gameboy Advance - VBAdvance NES - NEStopia
You could try MAME for arcade games, but it's system requirements greatly vary. A lot of the older games that didn't have digital sound and used analog circuits take a MASSIVE amount of processing power (ie, Asteriods or Donkey Kong for example) while something like PacMan should run fine. I wouldn't expect games post 1990 to run well if it's an older PC. Hell, even some complex mid-80's games could stress an older PC.
Hopefully they have at least 2.4ghz P4's for the military. Being that such machines were built over 5 years ago-ish, I would assume they do.
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Flash drive would be best. It would be able to save games / battery backup and it will be easier for you to configure. I'd suggest sending her a gamepad (if you have a spare PSX pad or two, you could buy a PS->PC USB adapter. I have an EMS-USB2 that does that. Only problem with it is that if you don't have two controllers plugged in, the 2nd port goes hay-wire with random inputs).
To simplify things, I'd configure all of the emulators for the USB drive to use a standard res like 1024x768, and setup the gamepad. However, depending on drive letters and the drivers for a pad, she may have to do some setup stuff.
As for frontends, I'm no help there. I use each emu individually.
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