HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to light and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.  If you see your
husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut 
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

4. Get in the shower.  Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice cloth.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner
enhanced with natural crocus oil.  Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as
you must make sure that it has all come off.)

11. Shave armpits and legs.  Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off the shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.  Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower.  Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.  
Wrap hair in super absorbant second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit.  Attack with nails or tweezers if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom.  If you see your wife along the way,
shake weiner at her making the "woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut
to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your weiner in the
mirror.  Scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one)

6. Wash your face, armpits, privates, feet, and surrounding areas.

7. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

8. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.

9. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

10. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

11. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

12. Rinse off and get out of the shower.  Fail to notice water on the floor.

13. Partially dry off.

14. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.  Admire weiner size again.

15. Leave shower curtain open and leave floor wet.

16. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

17. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.  If you pass your wife, 
pull off the towel, grab your weiner, go "Yeah Baby", and thrust your pelvis at her.

18. Throw wet towel on the bed.  Take 2 minutes to get dressed.